What if…

question-mark… all these intrusive thoughts, dark thoughts are there to scare me away from feeling?

OH suggested I think about the process – why things happen.  Why ones brain fixates on something terrible that one happens to have accidentally read and then can’t un-read or be unaware of.

You’ve just got an overactive imagination.

I’ve been told that a lot.  Right from being a child.  These feelings of anxiousness however new they may feel (2 years ish….), are definitely not new.

The realisation that I have quite successfully disconnected from my Self… and then the thought then follows of I don’t want to connect to myself.  I don’t want to feel.  And a resurgence of all the things I don’t want to think about take over my brain.

Clever little ploy.

Self-reinforcing, especially to someone who finds dark thoughts too disturbing.  I don’t watch horror movies because I don’t like that feeling, and here my head is making my very own horror movie that would give Mr Jigsaw a run for his money.

What to do next.  Unsure.

It seems I have forgotten who I truly am. (Best said in a Canadian accent…!)

Just watching.  Time to sleep, observe for a bit.

Night night World.


PS – and right on cue as I headed back to Sh#tebook before signing out, and appropriate message to hit me square between the eyes…

Thank you Fractal Enlightenment… c-g-jung-avoid-souls

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