Sounds an awesome idea doesn’t it?
A little while ago now, I went on a Yoga workshop run by Susananda Yoga.
It’s the second workshop that I’ve been on and I was really looking forward to 3 hours of yoga on a Saturday morning. Bliss…
Greeted with a cheery “Good Morning” from Sue, and a “Take a chocolate please! But don’t eat it yet!” I found an unusual unwillingness to actually take a chocolate.
Maybe because this is yoga, and such bliss should not be tainted with such lowly (!) things as chocolate. (Or more a case of “Don’t cross the streams!”).
Anyway, the morning progressed and we came to a point that will stay with me for a very very long time.
A chocolate meditation. You see, the theme of the workshop was mindfulness. And I am very practised at mindfully pretending I’m not eating chocolate extremely quickly whilst hiding in the corner of the kitchen where the eldest little one can’t see what I’m doing… And it’s been that way for oooh… about 2 years now!
So – to sit there and do nothing except mindfully eat a piece of chocolate. Focussing on every little detail of it – the way the wrapper creaks and crackles as it slightly stretches when pulled before it starts to twist and open.
As soon as the seal is broken that sweet smell hits the back of my throat and I still feel real hesitancy in going further with this meditation (!)
Before I go any further, I should explain that I have a long lasting and somewhat co-dependent at times relationship with chocolate. I depend on it being there and then I can co(pe).
So – back to the meditation. The chocolate is unwrapped and I’m looking at it in the wrapper. We’re invited to pick it up. Asked to notice how it feels. How does it look…. If we touch it to our lips how does it feel against our lips? What does it smell like?
Instantly I thought “Well duh! Chocolate!!” But instead of knowing what I know chocolate smelled like, I actually gave it a sniff.
Hmm. Sweet. Plasticy. Chemically. Euw…
We’re invited to taste it…. I scrape my teeth against the surface of the chocolate and feel the miniscule bit of chocolate stick to my teeth… and then feel somewhat slimy and cool as it melts.
A thought went through my head faster than light before I could catch it or change it….
“I don’t like chocolate”.
Wait – what?
“I don’t like chocolate”.
No…. you do….
Nope. I don’t really.
And there my world was rocked. 40 something years and I suddenly find that I’ve just broken chocolate.
We were invited to finish the chocolate off if we hadn’t already. I actually wrapped it back up and left it on the top of my bag. This was something I was definitely going to ignore until I had to not ignore it.
Which turned out to be later that evening. It was true. I really don’t like chocolate.
Now – chocolate has been one of my main coping mechanisms for a long time. And now it’s a bit broken.
In the interests of scientific research I have tested chocolate in a few forms since. The caramel bar things in the red / gold wrappers are about as good as it gets. Because there’s just a smidgen of chocolate but it’s more biscuit and caramel.
Diary milk – forget it. (The exception to this is the Dairy Milk Snow bites things (only available to purchase at christmastime). These land in the “It’s ok” pile).
Green and Blacks – wrapped in paper / foil so no contamination with the plastic of the wrapper – still, not all that great. Definitely now viewing this more as a cooking ingredient rather than a main food group.
I am yet to sample Terry’s Chocolate orange, or the Galaxy range. But for now I am adrift. Finding my place in a world where chocolate isn’t the answer to at least 90% of the problems one encounters.
And annoying. And I apologise profusely if you have encountered me in one of my “RAWR-I-NEED-CHOCOLATE-OH-SOD-IT-ITS-BROKEN” moments. They soon pass. But feels like forever until the feeling buggers off!
However – this has not put me off from doing any more of the workshops run by Sue! True I can’t get to the one on the 9th December, Antidote to Christmas but as soon as 2018 hits I shall be there for the following one!