I’ve just had a thought whilst I was in the shower. It’s a good place to think I find. And a quote I heard a quote the other day went through my thoughts.
We are spiritual beings having a human experience.
If, in our ‘truest’ form we are purely energy, existing everywhere and everywhen, is there any wonder then that we can “mess up” so spectacularly as we are ‘zoomed in’ to the detail of the level of this life we are currently experiencing?
It’s like doing a jigsaw puzzle, but without the picture on the lid. And just to complicate matters further, you have to put it together upside down, so you can’t see the picture on the pieces.
And then, to complicate things just a touch further, the jigsaw you’re currently working on is actually part of a HUGE jigsaw that connects with a whole load of other jigsaws… it’s enough to make your head spin.
Just sometimes, it feels when I meditate (a.k.a. having a good old cry in the shower…!) I can actually zoom out a bit. This isn’t astral projection or anything like that (yet), but I can get out of my own head enough to go up a bit (up a bit – up a bit – up a bit) and start to see the edges of the bigger picture.
It’s just about realising that perhaps the little things whilst they seem so very big at the time, when zoomed out a bit, are less than the size of a grain of sand. Which in itself is the conundrum, because when it seems so very big, zooming out doesn’t feel like an option.
I find that I’m in a strange place here tonight. It’s almost like I can look back on the events of my past to this point now, and see where I’ve pushed things to happen.
Making things happen for you is all well and good – there is no doubting that. But there is also a time, where, well, time is needed. Patience required. Normally though, we have to be well past the event to recognise that maybe a little time was required. It’s called ‘hindsight’. The sight behind.
“hindsight stems from the 19th century and means “backsight of a firearm,” from hind (adj.) + sight. Meaning “seeing what has happened” is from 1883, probably formed on model of foresight.”
Which is probably why we can see things so well with it.
So, at this moment in time, I can see all the places in the past where I’ve pushed for things to happen, where perhaps it would have been better to temper the situation with patience.
The unusual thing at this moment in time though, is that I can see certain actions and behaviours that are “pushing” again to make certain things happen.
A friend said to me today, that there is the temptation in many cases where a loved one has been lost and you were responsible for the loved one, to fill the void of emptiness with responsibility for another, when in actual fact what we need is time to take responsibility for ourself.
Which is quite a strange thought, but it’s true. When something upsetting happens, it’s my nature to make sure everyone else is ok and look after them. This is what I feel I want to do now, however, there is just me. And I realise that’s a scary thought.
It’s just been snowing here. So I went into the conservatory and stood at the back door to watch it snow. Looking out at the garden, I notice there’s a change in me. Normally, it will get to the month of February and I will start getting fractious and eager to get out into the garden and start ‘doing’. Tidying up the winter ravages, cutting back the annual plants, and smiling at seeing the snowdrops peek through the soil.
This year – it’s different. But then so much has changed in the past few months that it’s maybe just those changes catching up with me.
It’s been a while since I’ve spent much time in this room, because this is what I think of as Gentry’s room. At the end of January, I had to make the heartbreaking decision to have my best pal put to sleep. Since he’s been gone, I’ve not really been in here.
I used to come in with him every night to ‘put him to bed’. Stay a while with him whilst he got settled, had a drink, went out for another wee, and then had another drink… and once he got into his bed, I’d spend 5 or 10 minutes sat with him, being ‘present’ and also giving him a daily dose of Reiki. I love the time we had together every night – even if it did mean I was up for another half an hour or more whilst he got settled!
The ‘urge’ to get out into the garden is slowly winning. However, without my little shadow to assist me, I’m not sure I want to. The main reason the top lawn was kept short was so that he didn’t trip when he went onto the garden. Keeping the nettles down also – so that they didn’t sting his delicate bits! Tidying the flowerpots, watering can and other random plastic containers that always end up scattered, because they would trip him up otherwise…
No, at the moment I want everything to stay as it is. Then I can pretend to ignore the fact that he’s gone from this level of existence. But the time is coming when I will get out there. The garden will be tidied, and the car will be cleaned out and emptied of kack… (technical term for rubbish!).
Things are already changing, as insidiously as frost melts from a window. I find I’ve typed this whilst being sat in the conservatory, watching the snow fall. Gentry’s bowls have been washed and put away. His bedding is slowly being washed and stored away.
It may take a little longer for me to be able to move his bed, but for now, things are as they are.
I think that’s one of the hardest things about grief – after the initial acceptance that your loved one has gone as you work through the different stages of grief, it’s that horrible realisation that nothing is going to be the same again – and not only is that thought so sad, but the realisation by actually saying or thinking that thought, the plain realisation that things have already changed.
There are 7 stages of grief according to the Kubler-Ross model, and whilst I see myself progressing through the different stages at different times of the day / week, part of me doesn’t want to admit that progress is being made. Doesn’t that mean I have to accept things are now different? Hang on – isn’t acceptance one of those stages?! And isn’t part of not wanting to admit – just plain denial?!
There’s no doubt about it, when your world has been so severely shaken up by the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the occurence of a tragedy or disaster – and even overcoming drug addiction – all these emotions will arise. They may arise in order, or they may well do as mine are currently and appear up in any order, and all over the place, and even at the same time which is a bit confusing when denial and acceptance crop up at the same time…
Whilst there are many tools and techniques that can be used from our NLP and Hypnotherapy toolkit, the key point to this is that grief is a natural process, and should take place naturally. This means in your own time.
True, there are things that can be done if you are not progressing through the stages, but the key thing is to give it time.
I think, I have a goblin in my wardrobe. Or the wash-room, or both.
A rare sighting of a letterbox goblin
Because just when I get to the bottom of the washing basket, no sooner do I turn around, than it’s full once more. Come to think of it, I think there may be a goblin in the kitchen too – because the same thing happens with the washing up.
And, what about all the mail and paperwork that comes through the letterbox? That either needs shredding, binning, filing or paying?! Ah, that’ll be the letterbox goblin then, a close relation to both the kitchen goblin and the wash-room goblin, however the letterbox goblin is noted for it’s extremely squat, square appearance. I say it, because nobody has managed to catch one yet to determine if they are male, female, or androgynous.
But seriously, if I must make a semi sensible point in this post, I really don’t mind them. In fact, I like it. I like the fact that once something is “done”, over it starts again. It’s my choice then, to either let it build up to breaking point (i.e. OK, I really HAVE to wash up because there are no cups left in the cupboard…), or keep a closer watch on it.
It’s like this too with ourselves. We can do a massigantic amount of change work within ourselves, and just when you think the dust is beginning to settle, up comes another wave.
Bring it on! Lets have it, and deal with it.
To stop learning, is to stop living.
To stop living is to stop needing to wash up, wash clothes, and sort the post.
And then where would the Kitchen Goblin, the Wash-Room Goblin and the Letterbox Goblin be?
Annette has been afraid of birds, butterflies and similar flappy things since her childhood. After having a coaching session with myself earlier this summer, yesterday we took a trip into Nottingham City Centre to go and have a look at the pigeons, whilst a couple of days earlier, she took a trip to a butterfly house with her grandchildren!
In all the years leading up to this, there has never been a time when Annette would walk through “Slab Square”. Always, her friends and family have had to trail around the long way round to avoid the pigeons.
In Annettes words “It feels so freeing. I no longer have to plan my route, or be on the lookout for them“.
I hope you enjoy the video, and thank you to Annette who let me share it with you.
Well, if you’re a Trekkie you’ll have heard Jean Luc Picard utter those words several times in each episode! However, for those of you who have no idea what I just said – you will also probably understand the basic meaning behind the phrase! Make it so.
Make what exactly? Well – “it”, whatever “it” may be.
I’ve just been reminded of a couple of ‘basics’ within the NLP coaching that I do. The first is “setting the intent” and the second is the “mind/body connection“, that we work as a whole, not two parts of the mind, and the body.
Setting the intent – before starting anything, have in mind a very clear outcome of what you want to achieve. This can come from visualising a task well completed, a result from an exam, a task at work – anything. Set the intent of what you want to happen, and fully experience that – the only thing left to achieve, is for the outside world to catch up with the reality you just created inside your own mind!
The mind/body connection. Think something, and it manifests itself in your body. An example is something I use on myself, and also with other people who are nervous/scared of having needles penetrate their skin – whether for blood tests or injections. It’s not so much that I am scared of needles, but after a very bad experience to have some blood taken about 6 months ago, which left my arm bruised almost from shoulder to wrist for about a week, I decided something had to be done to make it as easy as possible for the Phelbotomist (posh word for a saturday afternoon!) taking the blood.
Many NLP coaches have had success with this technique, and I’ll share it with you now. First of all, breathe easily and relax! The second step is to just say the word “soften” in your head whilst continuing to breathe!
What can this do? Well would you believe it makes the needle go all soft and floppy and therefore it can’t hurt you? No? I didn’t think so! What it DOES do though, is it actually has an effect on the part of your body soon to be approached by the sharp pointy thing, and “somehow”, YOUR body/skin/tissue/muscle actually softens to enable the needle to enter more easily.
I have done this everytime I’ve had to return to the Phlebotomist (yes ok I’m showing off now!), or the Practise Nurse to have another blood test – over this year its been every two months – so there’s been a few times to test this out! Every time since, I’ve used this technique, and not only has it not hurt, but it’s also left absolutely NO mark at all – not even the ‘little’ bruise that normally follows such an event.
So this afternoon, I took myself out into the garden to try and shake off a little afternoon snoozle that was threatening to take over, and whilst out there, I did some weeding of the borders.
Pretty big weeds actually, the borders have been a little neglected over the past month or so, but with this lovely sunshine we’ve been given today, the flowers and plants that came to me from my parents are flowering their little hearts out. And the effect was somewhat spoilt by the huge spikey “natural” things that were not part of the original plan.
Whilst pulling one weed out I realised that I’d just said the word “loosen” in my head, and up came the weed as easily as picking up a balloon. Which got me thinking, was it that I’d set the intent for that particular weed to come up so easily? Or that by using the mind/body connection, and saying ‘loosen’, enabled me to pull with just the right amount of force – to get the weed up and out so easily. Or, was it both?
Off I went down the border alternating between saying ‘loosen’ in my head and not saying it – and watching with interest the different results I had with each plant uprooted.
In summary – keeping the “intent” in my head, of the nicely tidied borders made the job fly by, and by saying the word “loosen” enable the right amount of “pull”, needed to get the weeds up roots and all!
So – whether weeding or going for blood tests, keep in mind the words we say to ourselves have a direct effect on our physiology. We talk to ourselves most of the time, how many of those times are we saying something nice? And how many times do we make things difficult for ourselves – for example when we’re at the nurse to have a blood test – as she (or he) approaches with the needle 9 out of 10 times what do they say? “Sharp scratch!” Cheers – thanks for that! That’s exactly what we get!
When approaching a job we’re worried about, or not really wanting to tackle, the words “this is going to be difficult” goes through our heads and guess what? It is!
So here we are. As I have sat to write this, so you have begun to read. I don’t know what your day is like, how you came to this particular blog post, or what lead you here.
But I do know, that however it happened, you made the choice to read, and more importantly, I made the choice to write, otherwise you couldn’t have chosen to read this!
A good friend of mine loaned me a book called “The Shack” by William P Young. I won’t blow the plot of the story for you, other than to say it was a very good read – and quite alternative in its plot. One thing that I do want to explore further though, is a theme thoughout the book about “choices”.
The character “Papa” in the book says something along the lines of the fact that because they had choice, and they chose one particular course of action, meant that they were not limited in that choice – which for me, made me stop and re-read that section, because surely, by choosing, we are limiting ourselves to one course of action – therefore – limited?
It would be like this bird, whose nature it is to fly, choosing only to walk and remain grounded. He doesn’t stop being the bird, but it does alter his experience of life significantly.
Whilst I realise that the mentioned book is a work of Fiction, I personally found this bit intriguing and liberating. I realised that by having choice available to us, even though we may only choose one course of action, by making that choice – we are unlimited! So, what if having choice actually means we are ‘unlimited’? Could it be the fact that we can recognise we have that choice? Whether we choose to take it, or not, is a different matter. We have choice and because we have that choice, we are, limitless. In fact, whether we choose to recognise that there is a choice, or that there is no choice, is in itself – another choice – so however you look at it, there are choices all over the place!
(At the time of reading this part of the book for the third time, a tiny butterfly was bouncing against the window of the bedroom I was in. As I sat and let that paragraph I’d just read sink in, whilst watching the butterfly, it landed on the window and opened it’s wings – to reveal a smiley face looking at me, with the sun behind it! I could have chosen to see just a butterfly, or, followed my choice to see the smiling face through the butterfly!).
Take the choices I have open to me regarding earning money to support my lifestyle for instance:
I could choose to join a circus as a musician.
I could choose to find a more permanent type “office job”.
I could choose to find a job as a gardener.
I could choose to go back to college and get another qualification to take me in (yet) another direction.
I could choose to continue with my current plan (which is that I could choose to follow my spirit, my oxygen and have lots of ways to earn money!).
All of these choices have their pro’s and cons – but, these are just some of the choices available to me. The fact that I only chose one of them, means that I have chosen from lots of unlimited choices.
The television advertisement for recycling has just sprung to mind “The possibilities are endless!”. And they are. They may not all be practical – but there is choice available.
What good though, is choice, when none of the other choices open to us are practical, or palatable?
Good question – what good indeed. This is only my opinion, and, like noses opinions are as common in the fact that 99.999% of people have one .
By realising we have a choice, we realise that we actually may be somewhat aware of the Cause and Effect equation in our lives. (Edit: this will be covered in a post soon, but in brief – do you wait for things to happen to you – (if you’re on the effect side), or do you cause things to happen around you?!).
Maybe the choices you see around you, you feel are not practical or palatable to you right now and they more seem a hindrance to your every day life. But maybe too – by being aware of those choices, more choices will come from them, and soon – maybe sooner than you think, you will get other practical workable choices in which to realise your limitless-ness!
Choice means change, and change unnerves us, all those things that are unfamiliar are scary. However, the paradox is, that choice/change, is the only familiar thing we have constantly around us. Even the choice to make a decision on a choice, or to let it remain the same – is still a choice! All these things that are outside of our current parameters of “normality”, and that which is unfamiliar to us can be frightening, unnerving and uncomfortable. And it is for this reason, perhaps, that sometimes the only choices we perceive ourselves to have are so impractical to us, that the very impracticality of it keeps us within our status quo – of “here is all there is”.
What if, the ONLY thing that caused you to think that, was that bit of you that is fighting to keep things the same? As I’ve said before, every behaviour has a positive intention, and the positive intention behind this behaviour – is that which is familiar, won’t hurt us. That’s the survival part of us that keeps things the same, keeps things safe, keeps us surviving.
I’m not suggesting that you make a huge radical change in your life to ‘fight’ against this behaviour, because by resisting what it’s doing, it will actually persist. By accepting that part of us that wants things to remain the same, to keep us safe, and acknowledging the job it’s doing, maybe then, other choices will become apparent to us?
And do you know what’s really amazingly mindblowing? You have a choice right now. You do! You can choose to completely disregard this article, you may choose to think it’s all “fooey” and “tree hugging hippy-stuff”, (which is ok with me if you do!), or, you can choose to let it sit with you a while, and begin to notice the choices around you which you may not have noticed previously!
So – what choices do you notice now that you didn’t notice before?
One of my previous posts was called “I practise magic“, in which I speak of how some things we do may appear magical to other people because of the ease of which we do them.
How often though, do we realise our own magic? How often do we realise and give ourselves credit for that which we do well, that we are ‘good’ at, that we may even enjoy too?
My sister has gone on holiday for a week, and in this time she lent me her Flute – at my request! Over the past few weeks I’ve just had an urge to pick up a flute and play – like it can be that hard right? (I’m joking of course!) But anyway, there are two reasons behind this.
Reason the first:- Appreciating your “oxygen”, that which gives you meaning and purpose, that without which life seems just a little more humdrum. I now realise after spending the majority of my days helping out a friend in an ‘office type’ job, that music in all it’s guises is so intrinsically important to me. In some ways, it is appeased when I listen to music – but it doesn’t stay appeased for long! Sometimes, it’s only by doing something which takes us away from what has become our ‘normality’, that we truly begin to appreciate and value that which we may have forgotten is so important to us.
Reason the second:- To challenge, expand and grow! This is similar to the reason beforehand. Whilst I have been spending a few minutes attempting to get a half decent tone out of the Flute, it actually made me realise that whilst I do like the Flute, I really love the ability I have already on the Clarinet. It could be classed as frustrating to know that I can do certain things on the Clarinet that I have no idea about on the Flute. What did happen, was that I realised again the “magic” I have already. So when my 1o minutes on the Flute were over, I picked up the Clarinet and proceeded to really enjoy a “practise for enjoyment” session, fully experiencing the skills and techniques I took for granted and even being bold enough to do new things whilst boosted by my confidence!
In conclusion, if there is one to be drawn from this post – doing something new or different can actually enable you to realise just how good you are at your other “routine” things. I realise that not everyone will be as lucky as me perhaps in my freedom to change lifestyle at a moments notice, but there will be times or moments where you can.
You may already be fully aware of that which means the most to you. However, sometimes we could all use a refresher of just how much something really does mean to us. In my case, whilst I have been ‘working’, my weekends are so precious to me that I did nothing that feels like work. Up to now, ‘work’ also felt like music practise. This Saturday morning just gone however, I spent a fair few hours doing just that – and enjoying it!
So, if you’d like to realise just how much your oxygen means to you, here’s a challenge:- Do something different for either a weeks worth of evenings, or over the course of two weekends, and see what, if anything you feel you need to do in order to redress your inner balance!
A blogterrupt, is when ‘normal’ daily life takes over and interrupts the flow for one’s blog!
Regular service will resume shortly, we apologise for the delay and play you some twinkly music whilst we get our service back online.
If you can’t hear the twinkly music, simply go inside yourself now and imagine what twinkly music sounds like, and then try to tell me you can’t hear it!
One of my other activities that I “do”, is that of Music Teacher. One of my students, in her clarinet lesson couldn’t get a certain note to sound cleanly, unfuzzily, and without squeaking!
I grabbed my clarinet from it’s perch on top of the piano, and demonstrated the technique. To me, it was simple. To my student, it was as though she’d seen an electric lightbulb switch on for the first time.
“Wow!!! How did you do that??” I looked at her and answered “Practise”.
A quote from the Cinderella film from the 1950′s came to mind – where the Fairy Godmother effortlessly turns a pumpkin to a coach, mice into horses, and transforms rags into a wonderful dress for Cinderella – who gasps and says something along the lines of: “How’d you get so good at magic?“ To which the answer is: “I practise my magic“.
Just think about all those things that you can do, now – effortlessly, and magically. Whether that’s cook a roast dinner so all the items are ready at the same time (a feat still to be achieved by myself!), or whether you’re a whizz on the computer, or whether you’re the bargain shopper of the year – everyone of us has things we can do so well, it appears magical to others.
What about those things we might do so well so that they appear as magic – but are maybe less resourceful than the items listed above? What if we’re really adept at avoidance? What if we’re polished perfect in procrastination? What if we’re determinedly decided everything is difficult, and therefore make everything difficult?
The answer is, just as we learnt to do all these things – we can learn to undo them.
Whilst there are techniques and strategies out there that can be used in this way – I’m going to give you a brief run down of a very simple, yet effective method you could use to begin loosening the grip the old behaviour may have on you.
Decide, first what behaviour you would rather have instead – the reason for this is that you can’t just remove an old behaviour and be left with a vacuum, and empty space - we may have all heard the phrase – “nature abhors a vacuum“, so we’re not going to have any abhorrations happening here thank you!
Next, look at what secondary gains the old behaviour may be giving you. Really look at them, see how many ways that behaviour in some other way, may aid you – you may remember one of my posts from a few days ago, where I would get frustrated, and hey presto – the lawn would get a mow! Is there a way you could keep those gains, whilst removing the original, maybe less than resourceful behaviour? (Here’s a tip – there normally is – so if you think you can’t see any other way – take a step backwards and upwards, as you might be too close to the puzzle, and have another think).
Then, just let this sit a while. Think of all those times that old behaviour begins to kick in and run on autopilot without you even noticing – what happens just before it kicks in? What do you see? smell? hear? feel? taste?
What would you need to give you a nudge at this point to help you be aware the no longer wanted behaviour is about to start?
Now, imagine the scenario – whether it’s biting your nails, smoking, compulsive eating, avoiding stuff, drinking, absolutely whatever the behaviour is, is just about to run – BUT, this time, you have your nudge in place, and your nudge happens. Then the new behaviour kicks in, and notice now how that feels as the new behaviour runs, and you become aware of your choice in choosing that new behaviour?! Notice how good it feels as you run through the event, and once the event is finished – how fantastic does that feel now?
After you’ve done it once, do it again – imagine it all over again. And then again, and then again – however many times your favourite number is – that’s how many times to run this imagining!
Practise makes magic happen. Change transforms us from ordinary, to extraordinary.
We all have the ability to practise our magic – how many ways do we actually use it and become aware of the choices we have to use it now?
